To learn about the national child care funding in Canada, please click here.
Kids & Company Blog
Dropping the Rope – Reflections on Alyson Schafer’s Presentation
Guest writer Michelle Nelson talks about the presentation by Alyson Schafer, who spoke at our Parenting Conference in November.
Michelle Nelson is a marketer with 15 years experience in education and not for profits and enjoys a bit of blogging on the side. Food and parenting are her topics of choice. She lives in Toronto with her seven year old twins and husband.
This fall, Alyson Schafer spoke at the Kids & Company parenting conference. I like Alyson. She’s funny, self-depreciating, and she doesn’t make you feel like a terrible parent when you reveal that you had the exact same struggle with your child for the past 3 years. (Though, she might point out, very nicely, of course, that the definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over again but expecting a different result.)
She talked about power struggles and suggested that they aren’t really struggles at all. They are contests. And, the thing about contests is that there is always a winner – and a loser. We want to win so that we can get on with our day and get out of the house in the morning, or finish dinner, or get those 172 toys picked up. At some point, children realize that there is incredible power gained by NOT doing what mom/dad/care giver wants them to do. Many grasp this from a very early age. Perhaps you have one or more of those children in your household. I happen to have a matching pair of kids like that – I think they discovered power contests in utero. (One of the many perks of being a twin.)
Alyson likens these power contests to tug-of-war. Just as in tug-of-war, some people try to pull you over to the other side of the line. Others dig their feet into the sand and refuse to budge. Either way, the point is to not lose any ground. When kids act this way, many parents react and they pick up the other end of that rope and start tugging themselves. The result? A power contest.
So what’s a parent to do when their 18 month old won’t eat her food, or a 2 year old won’t put on a stitch of clothing or an 8 year old who refuses pick up the hundreds of Pokemon cards littering his floor? Alyson suggests you drop the rope. Don’t engage in the conflict. Stop trying to win and just work toward the end result. Realize that you are complicit in the power conflict and take the stigma away from reaching the desired result. The goal is to work toward cooperation rather than negotiation.
Great, I say. How do we do that?
Here’s her handy acronym. D. R. O. P.
D – Determine if you are in a power conflict
R – Reassess the situation
O – Offer an olive branch
P – Plow on positively
Over the next four blog postings, we’ll explore each of those in depth. I’ll give you specific examples of how I’ve tried to use this in everyday life with my kids and some of Alyson’s suggestions that you can use immediately with you own.
Posted on: Thursday January 5th, 2012
Posted by: Kids & Company
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Edmonton
Cochrane
Red Deer
Calgary
Calgary
Okotoks
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Edmonton
St. Albert
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
St. Albert
Edmonton
Edmonton
Sylvan Lake
Edmonton
Sherwood Park
Edmonton
Calgary
Edmonton
Calgary
Kamloops
Langley
Langley
New Westminster
North Vancouver
Richmond
Vancouver
Victoria
Victoria
Port Moody
Surrey
Surrey
Surrey
North Vancouver
Nanaimo
Surrey
Coquitlam
Burnaby
Port Coquitlam
Vancouver
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Mission
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Mission
Mission
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Chicago
Chicago
Chicago
Chicago
Schaumburg
Chicago
Winnipeg
Abington
Canton
Quincy
West Quincy
Braintree
Braintree
Walpole
East Walpole
Brighton
Brookline
Jamaica Plain
Jamaica Plain
Cambridge
Needham
Newton Highlands
Newton
Cambridge
Boston
Randolph
Kingston
St. Peters
Lake St. Louis
Troy
O'Fallon
St. Charles
Lake St. Louis
St. Peters
O'Fallon
Howell Township
Freehold Township
Manalapan Township
Stratford
Marlton
West Deptford
Bedford
Dartmouth
Halifax
Bedford
Hammonds Plains
Lower Sackville
Eastern Passage
Avon Lake
Beachwood
Hudson
Medina
Strongsville
Cleveland
Westlake
Aurora
Burlington
Burlington
Etobicoke
Etobicoke
Hamilton
London
Milton
Mississauga
Ottawa
Richmond Hill - Corporate office (No child care services)
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Waterloo
Kanata
Oakville
Oakville
Toronto
Whitby
Toronto
Mississauga
Ottawa
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Brampton
Stoney Creek
Toronto
Nepean
Burlington
Burlington
Oakville
Waterdown
Oakville
Pittston
Wilkes-Barre
Exeter
Old Forge
Dover
Harrisburg
Harrisburg
Harrisburg
Hummelstown
Palmyra
York
York
York
Sweet Kiddles Avon Lake, part of the Kids & Company Family
Abington
Aurora
Sweet Kiddles Beachwood, part of the Kids & Company Family
Bedford (Dellridge Lane)
Larry Uteck (Southgate Dr)
Pine Village South End, by Kids & Company
Braintree 1
Braintree 2
Brampton
Pine Village Brighton, by Kids & Company
Pine Village Brookline, by Kids & Company
Burlington Children’s Centre
Burloak
Appleby
Beacon Hill
Brightstart Burnaby, by Kids & Company
Bow Trail
Livingston
Midlake
Millrise
Royal Oak
Britannia Crossing
Marda Loop
Evanston
Beltline
Aviation Crossing
Gulf Canada Square
Royal Oak Out of School Care and Child Care
Glendeer: New – Open for Enrollment
Pine Village Kendall Square, by Kids & Company
Pine Village Porter Square, by Kids & Company
Canton
Jackson
Lincoln Park
Harrison
West Loop
Fulton
Sweet Kiddles University Circle, part of the Kids & Company Family
Cochrane
Brightstart Coquitlam, by Kids & Company
Dartmouth
Dover
Walpole North
Eastern Passage
Ellerslie
Edmonton Ice District
Baturyn
Diamond
Friendly Frog
Meadowlark Park
St. Charles
St. Dominic
Sunshine Factory
Tamarack
Jagare Ridge
Horse Hill
Fraser
Century Park: New – Open for Enrollment
Islington
Etobicoke (Bloor & Islington)
ABC Kiddie Kampus Exeter, by Kids & Company
Apple Hill Academy Freehold by Kids & Company
Halifax
Hamilton
Hammonds Plains
Route 39
Schaffner
Swatara
Apple Hill Academy Howell by Kids & Company
Sweet Kiddles Hudson, part of the Kids & Company Family
Hummelstown
Pine Village JP Revere, by Kids & Company
Pine Village JP South Street, by Kids & Company
Kamloops
Eagleson (South Kanata)
Crayon College, by Kids & Company
Tyke Town Lake St. Louis, by Kids & Company
ABC Lake St. Louis, by Kids & Company
Kids World
Langley (200th St.)
London Richmond
Sackville
Apple Hill Academy Manalapan by Kids & Company
119 Avenue, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Dewdney House (Infant/Toddler and 3-5), Part of the Kids & Company Family
Dewdney Church (Preschool/OSC/3-5), Part of the Kids & Company Family
Edge, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Webster’s Corner, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Harry Hooge, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Alouette, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Silver Valley, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Whonnock, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Under The Sun Marlton, part of the Kids & Company Family
Sweet Kiddles Medina, part of the Kids & Company Family
Milton
Lougheed, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Stave Falls, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Briskham, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Robert Speck Parkway
Mississauga Gateway Centre
Nanaimo
Pine Village Needham, by Kids & Company
Ottawa Barrhaven
New Westminster
Pine Village West Newton, by Kids & Company
Pine Village Newton Highlands, by Kids & Company
North Vancouver
North Van Esplanade
O’Fallon South
ABC O’Fallon, by Kids & Company
Oakville Cornwall
Oakville Dundas
Joshua Creek
Oakville West (3471 Wyecroft Rd)
Okotoks
ABC Kiddie Kampus Old Forge, by Kids & Company
Ottawa Albert
Ottawa Westboro
Palmyra
ABC Kiddie Kampus Pittston, by Kids & Company
Brightstart Port Coquitlam, by Kids & Company
Port Moody
Marina Bay
Randolph
Red Deer
Richmond
Head Office
Schaumburg
Sherwood Park
St. Albert North
St. Albert Grandin
ABC St. Charles, by Kids & Company
Tyke Town St. Peters, by Kids & Company
ABC St. Peters, by Kids & Company
Stoney Creek
Under The Sun Stratford, part of the Kids & Company Family
Sweet Kiddles Strongsville, part of the Kids & Company Family
Morgan Crossing
Surrey Professional Centre
King George
Brightstart Cloverdale, by Kids & Company
Sylvan Lake
Bloor Christie
Bloor (Bloor St. East)
Consumers
Finch
Front
Scotia Plaza
Stockyards
St. Andrew’s Church
Liberty Village
Rosedale
Queen West
Tyke Town Troy, by Kids & Company
Vancouver West
Cambie
Langford
Victoria
Walpole South
Waterdown
Tech Town
Under The Sun West Deptford, part of the Kids & Company Family
West Quincy
Sweet Kiddles Westlake, part of the Kids & Company Family
Whitby
ABC Kiddie Kampus East Mountain, by Kids & Company
Winnipeg
West York
Queen Street
Keystone Early Learning Academy, part of the Kids & Company Family
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Edmonton
Cochrane
Red Deer
Calgary
Calgary
Okotoks
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Calgary
Edmonton
St. Albert
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
Edmonton
St. Albert
Edmonton
Edmonton
Sylvan Lake
Edmonton
Sherwood Park
Edmonton
Calgary
Edmonton
Calgary
Kamloops
Langley
Langley
New Westminster
North Vancouver
Richmond
Vancouver
Victoria
Victoria
Port Moody
Surrey
Surrey
Surrey
North Vancouver
Nanaimo
Surrey
Coquitlam
Burnaby
Port Coquitlam
Vancouver
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Mission
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Mission
Mission
Maple Ridge
Maple Ridge
Chicago
Chicago
Chicago
Chicago
Schaumburg
Chicago
Winnipeg
Abington
Canton
Quincy
West Quincy
Braintree
Braintree
Walpole
East Walpole
Brighton
Brookline
Jamaica Plain
Jamaica Plain
Cambridge
Needham
Newton Highlands
Newton
Cambridge
Boston
Randolph
Kingston
St. Peters
Lake St. Louis
Troy
O'Fallon
St. Charles
Lake St. Louis
St. Peters
O'Fallon
Howell Township
Freehold Township
Manalapan Township
Stratford
Marlton
West Deptford
Bedford
Dartmouth
Halifax
Bedford
Hammonds Plains
Lower Sackville
Eastern Passage
Avon Lake
Beachwood
Hudson
Medina
Strongsville
Cleveland
Westlake
Aurora
Burlington
Burlington
Etobicoke
Etobicoke
Hamilton
London
Milton
Mississauga
Ottawa
Richmond Hill - Corporate office (No child care services)
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Waterloo
Kanata
Oakville
Oakville
Toronto
Whitby
Toronto
Mississauga
Ottawa
Toronto
Toronto
Toronto
Brampton
Stoney Creek
Toronto
Nepean
Burlington
Burlington
Oakville
Waterdown
Oakville
Pittston
Wilkes-Barre
Exeter
Old Forge
Dover
Harrisburg
Harrisburg
Harrisburg
Hummelstown
Palmyra
York
York
York
Sweet Kiddles Avon Lake, part of the Kids & Company Family
Abington
Aurora
Sweet Kiddles Beachwood, part of the Kids & Company Family
Bedford (Dellridge Lane)
Larry Uteck (Southgate Dr)
Pine Village South End, by Kids & Company
Braintree 1
Braintree 2
Brampton
Pine Village Brighton, by Kids & Company
Pine Village Brookline, by Kids & Company
Burlington Children’s Centre
Burloak
Appleby
Beacon Hill
Brightstart Burnaby, by Kids & Company
Bow Trail
Livingston
Midlake
Millrise
Royal Oak
Britannia Crossing
Marda Loop
Evanston
Beltline
Aviation Crossing
Gulf Canada Square
Royal Oak Out of School Care and Child Care
Glendeer: New – Open for Enrollment
Pine Village Kendall Square, by Kids & Company
Pine Village Porter Square, by Kids & Company
Canton
Jackson
Lincoln Park
Harrison
West Loop
Fulton
Sweet Kiddles University Circle, part of the Kids & Company Family
Cochrane
Brightstart Coquitlam, by Kids & Company
Dartmouth
Dover
Walpole North
Eastern Passage
Ellerslie
Edmonton Ice District
Baturyn
Diamond
Friendly Frog
Meadowlark Park
St. Charles
St. Dominic
Sunshine Factory
Tamarack
Jagare Ridge
Horse Hill
Fraser
Century Park: New – Open for Enrollment
Islington
Etobicoke (Bloor & Islington)
ABC Kiddie Kampus Exeter, by Kids & Company
Apple Hill Academy Freehold by Kids & Company
Halifax
Hamilton
Hammonds Plains
Route 39
Schaffner
Swatara
Apple Hill Academy Howell by Kids & Company
Sweet Kiddles Hudson, part of the Kids & Company Family
Hummelstown
Pine Village JP Revere, by Kids & Company
Pine Village JP South Street, by Kids & Company
Kamloops
Eagleson (South Kanata)
Crayon College, by Kids & Company
Tyke Town Lake St. Louis, by Kids & Company
ABC Lake St. Louis, by Kids & Company
Kids World
Langley (200th St.)
London Richmond
Sackville
Apple Hill Academy Manalapan by Kids & Company
119 Avenue, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Dewdney House (Infant/Toddler and 3-5), Part of the Kids & Company Family
Dewdney Church (Preschool/OSC/3-5), Part of the Kids & Company Family
Edge, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Webster’s Corner, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Harry Hooge, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Alouette, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Silver Valley, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Whonnock, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Under The Sun Marlton, part of the Kids & Company Family
Sweet Kiddles Medina, part of the Kids & Company Family
Milton
Lougheed, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Stave Falls, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Briskham, Part of the Kids & Company Family
Robert Speck Parkway
Mississauga Gateway Centre
Nanaimo
Pine Village Needham, by Kids & Company
Ottawa Barrhaven
New Westminster
Pine Village West Newton, by Kids & Company
Pine Village Newton Highlands, by Kids & Company
North Vancouver
North Van Esplanade
O’Fallon South
ABC O’Fallon, by Kids & Company
Oakville Cornwall
Oakville Dundas
Joshua Creek
Oakville West (3471 Wyecroft Rd)
Okotoks
ABC Kiddie Kampus Old Forge, by Kids & Company
Ottawa Albert
Ottawa Westboro
Palmyra
ABC Kiddie Kampus Pittston, by Kids & Company
Brightstart Port Coquitlam, by Kids & Company
Port Moody
Marina Bay
Randolph
Red Deer
Richmond
Head Office
Schaumburg
Sherwood Park
St. Albert North
St. Albert Grandin
ABC St. Charles, by Kids & Company
Tyke Town St. Peters, by Kids & Company
ABC St. Peters, by Kids & Company
Stoney Creek
Under The Sun Stratford, part of the Kids & Company Family
Sweet Kiddles Strongsville, part of the Kids & Company Family
Morgan Crossing
Surrey Professional Centre
King George
Brightstart Cloverdale, by Kids & Company
Sylvan Lake
Bloor Christie
Bloor (Bloor St. East)
Consumers
Finch
Front
Scotia Plaza
Stockyards
St. Andrew’s Church
Liberty Village
Rosedale
Queen West
Tyke Town Troy, by Kids & Company
Vancouver West
Cambie
Langford
Victoria
Walpole South
Waterdown
Tech Town
Under The Sun West Deptford, part of the Kids & Company Family
West Quincy
Sweet Kiddles Westlake, part of the Kids & Company Family
Whitby
ABC Kiddie Kampus East Mountain, by Kids & Company
Winnipeg
West York
Queen Street
Keystone Early Learning Academy, part of the Kids & Company Family